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Self-confidence is a point of view that is conditioned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence. For example: A young man wants to learn how to be a prizefighter, so he gets a trainer and a manager. His manager will not setup a bout for him until he has generated proficient fighting skills. And even then, the manager will only put him up against an opponent that he knows his fighter can hammer. When his fighter beats the rival, he is successful, and starts to gain a feeling of belief in his proficiency. With each competition, the manager puts his champion up against an opponent who is a slightly better rival then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young competitor begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to escalate. This scenario continues to repeat itself. And as long as the competitor continues to win, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to escalate. If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if an individual has true self-confidence, it doesn't mean that they will be successful at everything. Usually people who have self-confidence have realistic expectations. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves. People, who are not self-confident, tend to depend unreasonably on the confirmation of others in order to feel self-esteem. They refrain from taking risks for fear of failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive. Conversely, confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own potential. A person can have lots of abilities, but still lack confidence. A lack of confidence is often the result of concentrating too strongly on the unreal expectancies of other people, especially those of friends and parents. The influence of friends can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self. Beliefs That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence In response to external influences, people develop beliefs; some of these are positive and some are negative. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and better ways of thinking are: ASSUMPTION: I always have to be successful at everything that I do. This is a totally unrealistic assumption. In life, each person has her strengths and her weaknesses. While it's important to do the best that you can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that no person knows everything nor are they an expert at everything. ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this assumption is a totally unrealistic assumption. All human beings are deficient. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others. ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present. ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences when you were a very young child, as you grow older, you can gain knowledge and perspective on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless because of past events. HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE Emphasize Your Strengths. Think about and give yourself credit for everything you can do. And grant yourself credit for every new adventure that you are willing to undertake. Take risks. Adopt the frame of mind of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I learn what does not work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try some other action. Use Self-Talk: Talk to yourself in positive terms to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that it's impossible to be an expert at every activity, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself while still working towards improvement. Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective Hypnosis and NLP approaches that will build a tremendous amount of confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence! Self-Evaluate: Learn to rank yourself as an individual. Circumvent the continuous sense of chaos that comes from relying on the opinions of others.
Article Source: http://www.writedot.com
Alan B. Densky, CH is a certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner. His website offers self hypnosis CD's for self-confidence. His Self Confidence CD's were tested by Personal-Development info in England. Visit him for Free hypnosis & NLP newsletters and articles.
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