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Any man who loses his erection during sex may think he has lost his potency and his manhood. The ability to get an erection and make love really is a man's most important sexual asset, so losing one's erection can have a devastating effect. In short, being potent is, to most men, a fundamental part of masculinity. But here's the irony - many sex therapists think the major cause of erectile dysfunction is anxiety cased by losing one's erection! In other words, if some problem has occurred that results in a man losing his erection during sexual intercourse, or not being able to get hard in the first place, he becomes anxious about it happening again and then he really does become impotent. The somewhat surprising fact is that erection problems are common. An erection problem may develop for many reasons: you might not be in the mood for sex; you might be aware of the possibility that another person will hear you making love; maybe something went wrong for some reason last time you tried to make love; or it could even be that you were simply too tired. Whatever the cause, you may have seen your erection problem as a major event that called into question your whole identity as a man. Unless you are secure enough to know that these things happen occasionally, your anxiety may get worse, and your erection may be ever more unreliable. As time goes by, an erection problem tends to get worse. This negative spiral of fear and failure to perform feeds on itself and can lead to you shying away from sex for fear of losing your erection yet again. And, just to make matters even worse, a man who is struggling with erection problems will often find he develops other problems like premature ejaculation. Of course some men are more prone to this negative thinking than other men. A a perfectionist, or a man who believes he has to perform in bed at all costs, or someone who is totally goal-oriented, is likely to take this much more seriously than a man who is more relaxed when it comes to sex. And some men will not tend to think of himself as a man with a sexual problem - he will think of himself as an inadequate man. So, if you're in this position, that there are certain things that are unlikely to help you regain your erection, including these: looking for a new sexual partner; watching porn or enjoying wild fantasies or acting them out; being insensitive during intercourse (e.g. pushing your penis into her as soon as it's hard and reaching orgasm as quickly as you can); and even giving up sex completely. But the great thing is that you don't need to give up sex just because you have erectile dysfunction! All you have to do is find the right approach to help you recover your erection. First of all, remember that getting hard is first and foremost a reaction to physical stimulation (though as you may know it can also be a reaction to mental stimulation, especially in younger men). If you devote too much time thinking about the possibilities that might happen, anticipating intercourse, and fantasizing about what may happen next, you may lose connection with your body and your ability to be physically sexually aroused. You need to be in the moment when you're having sex, both physically and mentally. Second, get a medical check-up for illness. Erection failure can be caused by: diabetes, low hormone levels, stress, depression, self-doubt, not to mention many prescription drugs, and various other medical problems. All of these things and more can stop you getting an erection when you are sexually aroused. The classic indication of a physical problem with your health is the total absence of any erections even during the night. But this is somewhat dubious. What if you get a partial erection when you masturbate?. Unless you are 100% sure of your erectile capacity, the best way to check for physical issues is to go and see a doctor who specialises in male issues, one who knows how to treat erection problems. After this, deal with any deep-rooted psychological issues. If, for example, you were sexually abused during childhood by a woman, you won't have a secure intimate sexual relationship with a woman. The way to deal with this situation is to get some good psychotherapy. If you think you might have repressed homosexual inclinations, or a fear of closeness, find a counsellor who can help you grow to be physically or emotionally close to another person. A most important fact for some lotharios to understand is that just because you're male doesn't mean you need to be able to go to bed with any lover who fancies you. Your penis shows you the truth! What this means is that when you have the chance to have sex with a woman who doesn't turn you on, you can say "No" and still regard yourself as a man! And, should you try having sex anyway and you lose your erection, it means you should be more choosy about your sexual partners! Furthermore, you don't have to be man who takes all women to bed or loses his self-respect. A good example of this is that some men think they need to be in charge at all times during lovemaking. In which case, they may lose their erection for seemingly trivial reasons: for example, they aren't able to easily penetrate their partner. Instead of asking their partner to direct their penis in, they just continue thrusting blindly, trying to find the opening. These guys need to loosen up and remember they aren't alone when they have sex! And finally, you may be one of those men who needs to be in a loving relationship to have sex and enjoy it. If so, don't try forcing yourself to have sex with any available woman! Other things to consider which may help you deal with erectile dysfunction: older men may need a partner's touch to get an erection; men can make love with a partial erection; erections come and go during lovemaking; men often find they go soft when when enjoying oral sex or putting on a condom; no man wants sex all the time; it's OK to say "no" to a sexual partner; you may not become erect if you don't want sex with a particular woman, even if you're naked in bed together. The best way to deal with erection problems is to use a self-help treatment program which avoids you having to go and see a doctor or therapist in person. There is a good self-help program at http://www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com
Article Source: http://www.writedot.com
Rod Phillips is a sexual therapist with www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com.
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